My Story

I consider it a great privilege that I was able to share my testimony with both campuses of The Chapel a couple years ago. For years, I was unwilling to discuss the events mentioned below to anyone, even my ever-patient wife, Pam. But I felt very led to share this story in public during a segment in the service called "My Story".... Because of the size of the church, I estimate between 7500-8500 people heard me speak.

I found that it touched many people who had experienced personal tragedy and gave hope to them... I also found that it freed me from my inability to talk about it. This was a benefit that I had not ever envisioned.



My Story

A scream split the night. An horrific sound of pure anguish and despair that haunts me still. Loud footsteps, shouting, doors closing. And as I lay cowering in my bed, spoken phrases caught, “Brother”, “shot”,” hurry”, “help your Mother”.

Life as I knew it was over… we had gone to bed the classic happy suburban family, but in an instant, my 19 year-old brother, a wonderful man, an extraordinarily talented musician and my hero in every sense of the word, was gone. And my life would never be the same.
Kevin was murdered while working as a desk clerk at our family’s motel on the Ohio Turnpike, a victim of a robbery gone bad, shot once in the back, and left to die alone.

Many families in this situation fall apart. Mine, praise God, did not, and for this I am forever grateful. The fact remains, though, that my life is divided into two parts. The family I knew after was not the same as before. Gone were the laughter, and the carefree days of youth. Present was a sadness and reserve that remains to this day.

As a young person, I saw my parent’s faith in God’s ultimate purpose displayed in their actions. This faith kept us together and kept us moving slowly forward in spite of the pain. But I still blamed…. I blamed God for allowing this to happen, I blamed my parents for ever buying the business in the first place, I blamed my grandmother for taking a vacation and not being the one who was there, I blamed my brother for answering the door bell in the middle of the night when the explicit instruction was not to. I blamed everyone, even myself. If not for a last minute change of plans, I would have been there that night also. Could I have done something to prevent it? Or would I have died too? Would that have been easier than living with the loss?

A few years later, while watching a Christmas TV special featuring a local evangelist, hoping to catch a glimpse of my father who had played in the orchestra for the taping, I heard the gospel message clearly preached for the first time in my life. I heard that God loved me and had a plan for my life. I heard that He sent His son to pay the price for my sins. I heard that if I would believe in Him I would have eternal life?

I knelt by my bed that night, alone in my room and prayed to accept Christ as my savior.
That simple act, with no fanfare, no witnesses and no long drawn out process laid the foundation for my blame to begin to shift to hope. A hope in the promise of heaven, a hope that Jesus will come again, a hope that God’s love endures forever, and a hope that I will see my brother again and worship the Lamb alongside him. Hope has enabled me to be effected by the tragedy in my life, but no longer consumed by it. The pain 30 years later remains, but with each year I gain more victory and more hope in Christ.

When people ask why God allows evil in the world, I have no simple answer. I continue to ask myself that question from time to time. What good came of Kevin’s death? What good comes from any tragedy? Romans 8:28 teaches us “all things work together for good for those that love the Lord.” yet, the whole earth groans, and I groan with it.

The greatest verses of hope for me lie in Rev. 21 3-4 “Gods’ home is now with his people. He will live with them, and they will be his own. Yes, God will make his home among his people. HE will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death, suffering, crying or pain. These things of the past are gone forever.”

The image of my savior, the creator of the universe caring enough for me to wipe away my tears, (and there have been plenty), is the very image of hope for me………